hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
