Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
