Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
