I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
