i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
