you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
