this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
