im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
