i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
