Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
