i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
