i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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