dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
