I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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