Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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