Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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