You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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