I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
