I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
