Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
