You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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