Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
one might say we're banned from that church
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
