I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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