And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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