There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
