Its about making memories worth repressing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
