I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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