I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Terrible idea I love it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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