Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
