this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
