also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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