Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
