so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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