The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
