I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
