Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
