I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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