Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
