you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
