i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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