Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
