My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
