Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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