I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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