So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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