I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
