I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
