I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
