I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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