I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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