we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
