woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
