Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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