this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
