I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
