They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
