Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
