I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
