It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?