do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.