Texts From Last Night

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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

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  (857): Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark. http://tfl.nu/cekc
  Replies (62) Good night (2282) Bad night (1171)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.

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  (504): Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words. http://tfl.nu/6lei
  Replies (35) Good night (1155) Bad night (2116)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly

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  (813): So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly http://tfl.nu/tnq1
  Replies (15) Good night (4222) Bad night (718)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Sacagawea was the original milf.

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  (952): Sacagawea was the original milf. http://tfl.nu/8vpz
  Replies (39) Good night (5344) Bad night (1034)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you

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  (402): Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you http://tfl.nu/279j
  Replies (14) Good night (3794) Bad night (1336)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

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  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (54) Good night (8907) Bad night (1810)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

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  (443): Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed... http://tfl.nu/d0g6
  Replies (9) Good night (2498) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.

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  (661): I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day. http://tfl.nu/ltd0
  Replies (5) Good night (2195) Bad night (966)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.

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  (540): Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run. http://tfl.nu/gma4
  Replies (3) Good night (2027) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.

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  (617): Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it. http://tfl.nu/o2t5
  Replies (8) Good night (1630) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.

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  (530): It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party. http://tfl.nu/8gbx
  Replies (0) Good night (955) Bad night (447)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front

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  (770): It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front http://tfl.nu/bbjx
  Replies (1) Good night (905) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.

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  (207): I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked. http://tfl.nu/3l0v
  Replies (2) Good night (733) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"

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  (304): What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?" http://tfl.nu/l2w6
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer

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  (732): That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer http://tfl.nu/n19g
  Replies (1) Good night (312) Bad night (70)

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