I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.